is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
