I wish my penis had an off switch
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
