i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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