check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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