it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize