it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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