I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
