Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
