RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
