I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
