first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
