We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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