**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
