i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
