Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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