2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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