Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
