Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
