I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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