..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
