When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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