I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
