We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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