is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize