whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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