oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
