Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
