Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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