at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
