Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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