I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
