I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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