when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
