At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
