so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will be naked everywhere
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
