I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
