Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
