my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
