Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
