Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
