OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
