i think my tv is drunk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
