Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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