alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
