Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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