I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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