i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize