Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
