This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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