I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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