you guys were way drunker than both of me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
