i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
