Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
