I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
