i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize