Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize