sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
