dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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