Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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