Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize