i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
