Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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