i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
