turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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