Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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