you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
