I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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