Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
