...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
