I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
