Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
