Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i think i just lost a toe
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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