It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
