Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
