Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
