I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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