where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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