After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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