Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize