I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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