I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
