Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
