I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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