You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
