Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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