Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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