Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
