How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
