Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
