I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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