Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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