The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize