Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
even my farts smell like vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
