Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
