Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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