I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
