I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
