Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
