so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
