Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
