Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
