i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
