This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
