YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
